For some there comes a point in life where you are just tired with the monotony of certain activities and waking up every day knowing you have to do a particular task. It seems to be a battle to get yourself out of bed and sometimes even out of the house. Well that particular activity for me is my current full time job.
Looking back from my undergraduate graduation to now, I feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing with my life but paying bills and making/revising numerous budgets. This past year has been very interesting to say the least. Spontaneously word vomiting all the emotions I held in for years just to have the other person see me as a disrespectful child and then in turn rebelling against every single person who "caused" me to feel the way I do. Having a relationship be completely severed over an orange -- I know that sounds utterly ridiculous, but was bound to happen after months full of disrespect, disregard, and deception. There were family issues on both sides. Financial issues. Issues with trying to get into a graduate program... This past year was just drama filled.
The build up of all these things, one issue after the next, just brought me to the point where I was just overwhelmed. I just wanted to be angry and upset because every time I thought things were getting better something would happen to over shadow that progress. One thing that was constant throughout this past year was my job. It was so easy to transfer the frustration I felt with the way my life was going to my current job situation because everyone who knows the details of my job expected me to be miserable. And as time went on and I was reaching my one year mark, my attitude about my job slowly changed. I allowed my frustration with life to make me miserable at work.
This job was literally holding things together and I slowly started to hate it. Guys really think about where you are directing your frustrations. Besides God, are these the people and relationships that are holding you together. Is your frustration being intertwined with the stress of schoolwork or a job? How about with the stress or disappointments that are associated with being in a family unit? It is so easy to misdirect negative feelings towards people and things, especially when there is a root of bitterness.
My bitter root stemmed from feeling stuck at my job because it was so "safe." As long as I followed the rules I still had a job -- which I guess is the theory behind most companies unless there is an unforeseen financial hit. But being safe made me feel comfortable. I got too comfortable living a life where I was no longer being mentally challenged. I got comfortable working a job that I knew wasn't benefiting me professionally, especially as a college graduate. All these thoughts floated around my head for weeks causing me to dislike my job more and more everyday.
During this time period God was convicting my heart because I started to loathe the gift he gave. I started to be angry with the prayer he answered. I was taking his love and providing nature for granted. I knew the way I was feeling about work wasn't how God wanted me to feel because it was no longer bringing glory to him. I was no longer thanking him for providing a job I desperately need, but was thanking him the moment 9 o'clock hit so I could leave as soon as I possibly could just to do nothing at home. I was able to see that I was no longer pushing myself to be the best employee I could possibly be. At that point I realized I was no longer the hard working daughter God created me to be and I had to change that.
This Weeks Challenge: Identify where and how you are directing your frustrations. Is it in a way that if others where looking into your life they would be able to see God? If not, then how can that change? Google additional scriptures to help you change your attitude and maintain a positive outlook about where you are currently placed. Allow this week to be the starting point of misdirecting love to people and situations that don't deserve it, because in all reality you too are not deserving of love but Christ still gives it to you freely.
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